Doubt is a
nasty monster, and it will show its ugly head when you least expect it. It tells
us we aren’t good enough, that we can’t win. Doubt cripples us, makes us
believe we don’t have talent, or that we aren’t worth the effort. It makes us
give up or not even try.
While I was writing Guardian of Atlantis, doubts
came at me from what seemed like every direction. It made me question whether
or not my writing was good enough, and why I thought I could be a writer. It
made me wonder if anyone would even want to read my story and if they did read
it, would they laugh at it? Or would they tell me how bad it really was? At one
point I seriously wondered why I was even attempting to write a book. Why was I
setting myself up for failure? But somehow, I kept writing, and I finished the
story. And the best part is I finally have seen my dream come true. I’m a
published author. So, doubts shouldn’t be plaguing me, right?
Wrong!
Tonight, as
I started coming down from the high of seeing my book actually in print, doubt made
a huge return. And the nasty, doubt filled questions started. Did I do the right
thing? Should I have waited? Should I have only published it as an ebook? What if
no one buys it? What if everyone thinks it stinks? What if the next book is
even worse?
I’ve tried
pushing the thoughts aside, telling myself that I’ve got a good story. I know, I
do and I’ve got several more stories to tell, but doubt has a way of making you
think otherwise. Will the doubts ever really go away? Probably not. But doubt
is helping me do something right. It’s making me think about the things that I could
have done better. And you know what? Next time, I will improve. My writing will
be stronger because I will have grown as a person and a writer.
