Tuesday, March 5, 2013

10 Reasons Not to Have a Zombie for a Friend

  1. Zombies smell really bad. Let's face it, their bodies are rotting.
  2. Your conversations will be one-sided because zombies tend to just moan and groan a lot.
  3. No one will visit you or attend your parties if your zombie friend is there. They are afraid of becoming infected.
  4. You will constantly have to submit to medical exams to prove you're not infected.
  5. Zombies are messy eaters. Their clothes will be covered with blood, so you will constantly be doing laundry in an attempt to keep your zombie friend presentable.
  6. Zombies are picky eaters. Do you really want to supply the only food they want to eat?
  7. If your zombie friend stays at your house, you'll never be able to sleep. Think about it. What if your zombie friend gets hungry while you're sleeping?
  8. When it comes to helping you with chores and homework, don't expect any help. Zombies are slobs. Your zombie friend will make more work for you.
  9. Zombies have no respect for other people's properties. Be prepared to use your savings. You will constantly have to either bail your zombie friend out of jail, or you'll be paying his fines.
  10. You will become a huge social outcast. Your friends will slowly disappear (literally) and forget about making new friends, unless they're zombies.